my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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