why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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