Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
