You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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