He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
