P.S. I can't hear my feet
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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