Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
