it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
