My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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