I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
