Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We are two peas in an std pod
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
