o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
