I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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