I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
