I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
