I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
