we have pet lesbian snakes
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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