no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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