Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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