Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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