He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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