i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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