well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
