Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
