I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
