hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
