If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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