my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
