and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
