break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
