We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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