I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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