well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
