Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
