So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
