How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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