Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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