dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
