I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Even my vagina gasped.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
