I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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