I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
