worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
