WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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