I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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