shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
