chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
