Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
