I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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