The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
