do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
