So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
