So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
