every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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