Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
