whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
